Awkward moments

How do you show your anger? I'm curious to know...

I started this Blog for a silly reason, but Love writing now!
I feel as though most of my life I have been put in a mold...
Abby she is so SWEET, Doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Therefore I feel like "MOST" of my life people have translated that to "you can walk over her, she can't be offended, she has no opinion, will ALWAYS be loyal."
While I get that those aren't all that bad of qualities, I felt like it emotionally raped me at times... (it means that someone goes in and tells me how I should feel at a situation).

back to how we express anger...
At our group last night I got angry/offended at something someone said, and started crying when I start to tell them I am angry.
I cry hot tears when I'm angry, I hate that about me.....WHY can't I just calmly tell you that you pissed me off?? And I had the floor for about 20 minutes, all eyes on me as I cry and look down...I have never wanted out of somewhere so bad! If I could have just got up and gone home and not looked bad I SO would have.
I got a lot of pats on the back and "I'm so sorry your hurting" on the way out....as I though about it on the way home I really don't think I'm hurting, I just am so terrible at telling someone that I'm upset with them. The more I cry because I'm mad the more mad(at myself) I get that I can't stop crying and it is a downward snowball....
I know when I feel like that, what I need is not one more hug, but to go sit somewhere and talk to my God about it. He is the best at shedding light on my true feeling in a situation.

They would prob say that the comment sent me to a bad place, took me back somewhere that hurt in my past.....but I'm not sure I think that happened here. I think I was overcome with pride and ANGRY that the comment that was made (I thought, we are all good now) to make me feel stupid....Did it make me feel stupid?? Maybe, but I really think I'm to prideful for it to make me feel stupid, I was mad that I felt like someone's intentions were to make me feel stupid...I don't know, I thought about it on my way home, talked to Brent about it on my way home, and talked to God about it later.

I'm usually pretty good at pin-pointing my feelings on something...I have conversations with myself A LOT! lol...I'm Crazy.

This is me showing you that I am {this} far from cracking up:)

So this blog was a "heads up" if you will that Abby is breaking the mold and working on becoming the bold person that Christ intended for me, BUT that doesn't do me any good if I don't act like that in person, If I still hide my true feelings when I talk to you face to face. SO I guess last nights group was a painful reminder that I'm not there yet. plain and simple. But I'm going to pick myself up, dust off the pride and continue to stumble toward the TRUTH that He who began a good work in me WILL complete it.

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (NIV)

Abbs*