This weekend was HUGE for me, I didn't even realize I had been holding my breathe the whole pregnancy so far until I saw the little pictures of my baby girl.
Brent and I have always talked about wanting 4 kids, back when the dating got serious.
When I was pregnant with Cole I wanted a boy first, but during the pregnancy with my other two boys I played the "Christian" card alot...you know the "we don't care what it is as long as the baby is healthy" I just felt like it was selfish to even ask God for one or the other because it was so minor. My heart felt like I was losing hope of having a little girl. Up until the last year, Brent and I had been dealing with a lot of uncertainty in marriage.....a long road of testing and learning what God's desire was for us.
When I found out I was pregnant with this one, I can't explain the favor that I felt. Like God was saying, "this is your second chance, YOUR personal gift". It took me awhile to get used to the idea of having 4 kids so close together.
My church had just started a series called, "God's not mad at you"....and I think this was the first time I realized just how much God cares about our heart and the desires of it. He wants me to come to him unmasked and raw....after all he knows what we want already. I really felt a peace about just going before his feet and asking him for a daughter, nothing is small to him. I am the apple of his eye, and he cares more about me than the Sparrow (and he LOVES that sparrow).
Cole and I started praying EVERY night before bedtime for a girl (Cole explained to me that he was tired of boys!)....I thought or more like believed that it was going to be a girl. People told me all the time of people they knew that had 4 boys or 5 boys and gave up trying for a girl, I got a lot of discouraging comments...even people that frowned on me saying what I wanted, "A healthy baby is MOST important!" (Like I don't know that!) I made it a point to tell people and God what I wanted.
this past Friday, the day of my appointment, I got emotional I'm talking cried by myself the whole way to the doctor's office.....When I found out it was a girl later that day I was filled with joy.
I can't wait to hold her and teach her so much! I know that little girls can be a challenge, but I'm ready to do my best.
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