Unconditional Grace

Grace

Grace

Grace

Why does the thought of it scare us?

why does the church feel as though we should keep it in check?

As if by us giving out too much grace to the people that God brings through our doors will promote more sinful actions. Grace will make them think they can live however they want, But when we truly understand the gift of grace it has the power to transform our hearts. That is God's job not ours.

Someone the other day said, "what goes around comes around" and that they even love that phrase.

"Karma", we love that one too don't we?

Our whole system is built around the principles that good things happen to good people, and therefore Bad things happen to bad people.

God came to save the lost AND the self-righteous.

As soon as I start to do good works and feel good about them it turns into self-glorification. There are no good works APART from Christ...and if we think there are we need to go to the word.

Romans 3:12

"All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

We want credit though, don't we? We need Christ, we are totally depraved without him. There are some people who look good, (i.e. Oprah, Gandhi), but if we really believe what the Bible tells us in Romans, and they aren't giving the glory to God for their good works then it is all self-glorification.

Ephesians 2:10 also tells us

 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

 Ephesians 4:22-24

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;to be made new in the attitude of your minds;and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Grace trumps all the ideas that our actions bring us good or that if we are bad we jeopardize being loved by God.

Grace says, "Good things happen to BAD people"

you okay with that? let me repeat it

GOOD things happen to BAD people

now obviously if you choose a life apart from Christ sadly bad things will happen to you (and eternity in hell).

Those who are in Christ were bad before/without Christ and therefore Christ blessings are in spite of our bad actions, not because of our good actions. He is the only good.

His Grace is so beautiful and unconditionally!

SO...

if we are to be Christ-like, we should be unconditional with grace too. We shouldn't put a limit on our grace card.

When we rejoice over bad things happening to bad people, we are forgetting that our hearts are wicked too and that we also were on a path to hell before Christ saved us.

If we want Karma to be the measuring stick for all of our actions, then we (Christ followers) wouldn't even have the promise of eternity with Him.

Grace is free because if it wasn't, none of us could afford it!

- Tullian Tchividjian 

I hope you all have a great day and remember to thank God for the good works he is allowing you to do and don't forget to give someone GRACE today!

Abbs*

  

The Gospel is for Sinners

I think I mentioned a while back that I was reading a book called, "Give them Grace".

It's a book about how to train our kids by the gospel that God plus nothing is EVERYTHING. How to teach them that being good is beyond their control.

well anyway I read a chapter last night that was great for me as a parent (they are all good, but this one was great!)
It is titled, "God loves all His little prodigals and pharisees."
It talks about how we all have two types of kids, the ones that are rule breakers and rule keepers.
I personally was ALWAYS a rule keeper, somehow thinking that by keeping the rules I was meriting favor with my parents.
Which led me to have a self-righteous pride, this is toxic because inside it makes me feel like I have some goodness in me apart from Christ, "I'm okay after all" attitude. We always view our parents happiness and God's as the same.
Our Children need to be taught that mercy ALWAYS trumps law.

Here in the book they talk about the prodigal son, older brother and their father. If your like me you didn't want the younger brother to return, I loved that I had finally secured the "best child" role, I falsely think by doing the right thing I had secured my worthiness. While that is messy it's honesty, and no better than the rule breaker brother. I'm very thankful for our Father who lovingly welcomes both equally into his arms.

Elyse and her daughter Jessica give a scenario in the book where we have two children in the pool fighting because one is cheating and the other is upset because he isn't following the rules. The mother takes the opportunity to be open with the kids about both of their needs for grace.

The Gospel is for sinners

So, how can we teach our children to rejoice in God's generous mercy and love? We know that we need to train them in rules for obedience; that's obvious. But how can we teach them about something outside the norm, such as God's joy in being merciful to sinners?....
The Gospel is not good news to those who pride themselves in their hard work. It is infuriating news. But it is good news to younger-brother types who are tempted to turn away from the faith fairly early on because they don't think the gospel is for sinners. They think it is for good people who like being "gooder".

Consistent, transparent, and specific confession of sin will help children see how their parents struggle with sin the same way that they do. Teaching David (child that is a rule-breaker) that he and susan and mom and dad are all lost, all sick, all in need of a salvation is so very crucial, whereas saying things like, "Why can't you be more like Susan?" obliterates the gospel message. It tells David that there is something intrinsically wrong with him that isn't wrong with Susan. It destroys his hope of ever hearing God's benediction of goodness over his life. It breeds unbelief and despair. And, it is false.
(Excerpt from book, pg. 71)

being the rule breaker I personally think has it's own perks, they tend to see their need for a savior much earlier and tend to be more authentic and a HUGE tool for God because they know they have been forgiven so much.

If your a parent of multiple children I would strongly encourage you to use this as a guideline or better yet, BUY THIS BOOK! I am pushing myself to work hard at showing my two oldest boys that they both need a rescuer just like their mom. I'm going to take time to not allow pride to dwell in my heart for the child that obeys often and for me to not pour shame on the one that breaks all the rules. I want them to just be the person God created them to be, and that God takes so much joy in showering with mercy those who cannot help themselves (Which is all of us).

(This book does not condone relaxed parenting and just letting your kids get by with disobedience, I was skeptical at first too!)
There are chapters talking about the kinds of rules and discipline that are healthy for our children.

anywho sorry I posted so much from the book but I couldn't find a good place to stop:)....
We all need to have faith like the little children in Mark 10, coming to sit in his lap knowing we have nothing to offer but the simple joy of letting Him who created us hold us and love on us. I pray that you and I can take to time away from the computer, our book, or whatever kind of distraction we have and decide to make the most of very teaching moment with our kids today. They are our greatest purpose at the moment.

love you all!
Abbs*

Sweet Harper Kate

For those of you who have been keeping up with HK's story over here at my Blog, I really want to encourage you to check out my sister- n-laws blog. The thoughts and verses are so powerful. They are so real, and everybody loves realness right?? I WISH!
Life should be this real, we should have to pull the mask off and show who we really are when life gets tough. After all isn't that how God grows us, when we keep our real thoughts and feelings inside we are missing out on an opportunity for God to use our story.

Jarod and Court have realized that their story is way bigger than themselves. It's part of a way bigger story, and God is still in the business of redemption and love. It's not over, in fact it might be a long road, but they are learning to trust Him everyday with the life of their little girl.

Please read today's post by my brother, he talks about having God on the stand to prove who He really is. Go here to read it.

The months that followed the original diagnosis was painful. Sometimes I Don't know what hurts more, to go through something yourself or to have to stand by why someone you love so much goes through something.
there were days I just laid in bed crying and praying that God would take the pain away from my older brother. Court seemed to carry this hidden strength somewhere (I'm assuming it was only from God.) I am very close to my older Brother and understand him and his hurt over some things that have happened in his life. I kept saying, "God, why him??" why that Brother whose faith seemed to be SO fragile at times??? now reading the post today from him was clarity that that is exactly why it was Him, God needed to take him to his "Moriah" as he put it. God needed to whisper to Jarod that He had this, just trust. I think it is hard for me to remember that God sacrificed his son for us, why do we want to think that is too much for God to ask of us? Courtney and Jarod are having to learn what that looks like daily...the pain is real for them. I love that little girl as if she were my own, and have even had some battles between wanting this baby growing inside of me to be a girl and wanting Harper Kate to be the only little Princess in the Pardue family.
After all God is in control.

this verse came to mind today as I was reading my Brother's post.

1 Peter 1:7
"These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

From Drop Box

Abbs*

Thrift Store Snag!

First off I want to share some random thoughts with you and then I will share my AMAZING thrift store snag!

I was in church Sunday and one of the songs we normally sing refers to Jesus as a friend...I Hate when people refer to Him as a friend. My family even thinks I'm weird, but I'm apparently the only one who is anal about a Jesus friend. I know that probably sounds awful, but I think i understand now why i don't like it.
I don't think I've had a good taste left in my mouth from past friendships. I don't associate friends as "someone who sticks closer than a brother" I've had most bail when things aren't going right or I'm being too real or honest. I like to think of Jesus not as a friend, but more like a loving father who will have my back when it feels like the world has disowned me. Now i get that everybody is going to relate to Jesus by their past especially if they have 3 0r maybe even 15 best friends, but a dad who abandoned them... but that is what makes us "us" i guess. what is your view of Jesus? do you feel like I do about him being called a friend? or am i the only one?? haha I probably am. I'm very aware that the Bible refers to Him as that too, but just letting you know where I'm at.

now...

I was in Anthropologie the other day and came across this cute, but expensive cookie jar...there were three of them ranging from $68, $98, to $128?!? are people crazy?? who has that kind of money to spend on a freakin cookie jar?

From Drop Box

I was walking through my fav thrift store with my hands full of stuff, when I saw it....
It was BEAUTIFUL I immediately ditched everything I had in my hands (I hate carts when I'm not carrying kids and diaper bags) and grabbed her! $6.99!! came home and discovered this little jewel is on craigslist and Etsy for over $40.
If i had a happy dance I would have done it right there in the store!

From Drop Box

True Freedom

I grew up in church, I don't know what a Lazy Sunday Morning is like...If the doors were open we were there.
I think that it is not always a blessing for kids. I know that sounds awful, but I think we can have TOO much church in us that we forget what it is really about.
I grew up thinking that the 10 commandments was something I was supposed to try to keep and if the ones I kept outweighed the ones I didn't I was good. I am just now at 27 years old realizing that the whole reason the law was put there was to show me my need for a Savior, God KNEW I couldn't keep them!
We have been studying Romans the last few weeks at church and God's Grace. I'm realizing it is ALL about Grace. I'm currently reading this book

From Drop Box

It is all about how teaching our kids to "be good" can be the worst thing for the growing of their faith. It shows us where to draw the line between teaching them to obey for their safety and respect, and where we need to teach them that they need to ask God to help them love their siblings and to break the cycle of entitlement (I'm being good, therefore God loves me).

It's really been interesting....The absurdity of Grace is something I'm just recently wrapping my mind around and I'm prob not even making sense now because I'm so blown away by it:)

The craziness that a God could love me when I was at my worst and pay the price for me. Romans 5:8
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

It is so freeing to realize that God loved me and still loves me at my worst. I can't do anything to make Him love me more and nothing to make Him love me less.
When I can really understand that, I hope I will be able to teach my boys that Christianity isn't a "to do" list, but more like a love affair.

I grew up thinking that Jonah was about how if you don't obey God, he will send a whale to swallow you.....Isn't that what we get from Children bible stories? I remember thinking if you don't do what God wants he will punish you and "watch out for whales"

the truth that should have been driven home when I was that age was that God is such a merciful God....He is the God of second chances not a God that is ready to send a whale to swallow you.

I love this video by Carlos Whittaker. He is singing the song in ATL and a homeless man comes in and starts adding some of his own stuff....It is incredible!
(PAUSE the music, because you will want to hear it)


I hope you guys have a great Tuesday.....and remember that you NEVER look into the face of someone who isn't Loved by God.

Abbs*

Depth of Vision

Do you ever get those revealing thoughts that help you understand the way you tick?
I have them every now and then, they are "ah ha" moments. Like when you have spent years wondering why you do something the way you do it, and it takes a few seconds of brain wave for you to see?

I had one of those today...

I have always had insecurities when it comes to my creativity, who doesn't right?
I went to a prominent Christian College majoring in Graphic Design along with some big name people now...Some working for Relevant magazine and others producing films. I mean what's to be insecure about right, lol! I'm a mom of 3 (soon to be 4) kids. I went to class that last semester with a baby due two days after my last exam. (Every time I raised my hand in class, everybody would first respond with "are you in labor?!") I walked across the platform to receive my diploma with a 5 month old baby in the crowd....okay so my career didn't turn out like I originally thought, but my passion is still art and design. I wouldn't trade being a mother for the world, but I still have my days when I wander, "would I have been good enough?" and even more recently, "am i good enough". I pick and choose through projects that people need when I have time, but find myself not taking a lot of risks. I have never really been a risk taker, but in this particular area I always ask myself what was it that defined me about this? what opinions or situation made me feel this way about my talent?

I AM however very analytical, so I do love to trace things back, most the times over thinking them until I can pin point the exact time I was put down or "failed"

This is what I came up with:

when I was in College I had to accumulate intern hours,so I found a local production company and asked if they would allow me to work for them for the semester.
I did design this logo, they loved it.
They sent me another logo to work on, and we emailed back and forth about trying to get it just right. I was getting tired of all the "petty" (I felt they were) changes and I know they were getting tired of not being able to communicate exactly what they wanted, but he finally just said, "HEY, I"LL JUST SIGN OFF ON ALL YOU HOURS"
wow, I'm realizing that hurt.....It translated to me, "your not good enough, and we don't have the time to teach you".

Now I do believe every artist is very insecure and I think so because the ideas are so vast, there is no way to pin point what it is exactly. Everybody sees beauty as different, but there will always feel like there is someone better or that you can ALWAYS do better.
One of my favorite professors always reminded that the Bible tells us that we were created in the image of God, and either we believe it or we don't. God is the ULTIMATE creator, nobody knows color like he does. So wouldn't that mean there is a desire to create and admire our creation that comes only from Him?
That craving I get to come up with an idea, create it, and then admire it is completely natural.
Many times on this road of "insecurities", I have asked myself "Do you just want to be an artist because you need to be good at SOMETHING?", "Are you trying to force a talent that is not there?", and I have told myself to quite trying, find something else that your good at....but I ALWAYS come back to this desire.

I feel a sense of accomplishment when I can pinpoint how I came to these, "truths about myself" because when I can call it out of the darkness into the light I am able to blow it out so to speak:)

I will take this thought and ask myself, Does God think I'm good enough? and does He have the power to give me creative ideas? and I believe YES is the right answer so I have to ask Him to tell my heart that I'm enough, just as I am.

This might seem like a stupid post to you, but I needed to share and to be vulnerable, because God gives Grace to the Humble...and who doesn't need grace.
My heart for this blog was to be real.

I do not believe my career ends here.
I have been designing all of my dad's sermon series development (logo, intro video, and stage set up) for about 4 years. They have been some of the best 4 years in my creative growth....My dad has not pressured me or tried to put my ideas in a box. He has let me take over using my expertise to learn how to be multi-dimensional, sometimes he does push because he knows I can do it.
I always thought this was a great career choice I was getting because I could do it from home, I did not know how much that would benefit me.

I am an artist, everyone is....I just need to have the confidence to understand that what I do may not be like anybody else, but it's me.

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”- Helen Keller


gnight,
Abbs*

Awkward moments

How do you show your anger? I'm curious to know...

I started this Blog for a silly reason, but Love writing now!
I feel as though most of my life I have been put in a mold...
Abby she is so SWEET, Doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Therefore I feel like "MOST" of my life people have translated that to "you can walk over her, she can't be offended, she has no opinion, will ALWAYS be loyal."
While I get that those aren't all that bad of qualities, I felt like it emotionally raped me at times... (it means that someone goes in and tells me how I should feel at a situation).

back to how we express anger...
At our group last night I got angry/offended at something someone said, and started crying when I start to tell them I am angry.
I cry hot tears when I'm angry, I hate that about me.....WHY can't I just calmly tell you that you pissed me off?? And I had the floor for about 20 minutes, all eyes on me as I cry and look down...I have never wanted out of somewhere so bad! If I could have just got up and gone home and not looked bad I SO would have.
I got a lot of pats on the back and "I'm so sorry your hurting" on the way out....as I though about it on the way home I really don't think I'm hurting, I just am so terrible at telling someone that I'm upset with them. The more I cry because I'm mad the more mad(at myself) I get that I can't stop crying and it is a downward snowball....
I know when I feel like that, what I need is not one more hug, but to go sit somewhere and talk to my God about it. He is the best at shedding light on my true feeling in a situation.

They would prob say that the comment sent me to a bad place, took me back somewhere that hurt in my past.....but I'm not sure I think that happened here. I think I was overcome with pride and ANGRY that the comment that was made (I thought, we are all good now) to make me feel stupid....Did it make me feel stupid?? Maybe, but I really think I'm to prideful for it to make me feel stupid, I was mad that I felt like someone's intentions were to make me feel stupid...I don't know, I thought about it on my way home, talked to Brent about it on my way home, and talked to God about it later.

I'm usually pretty good at pin-pointing my feelings on something...I have conversations with myself A LOT! lol...I'm Crazy.

This is me showing you that I am {this} far from cracking up:)

So this blog was a "heads up" if you will that Abby is breaking the mold and working on becoming the bold person that Christ intended for me, BUT that doesn't do me any good if I don't act like that in person, If I still hide my true feelings when I talk to you face to face. SO I guess last nights group was a painful reminder that I'm not there yet. plain and simple. But I'm going to pick myself up, dust off the pride and continue to stumble toward the TRUTH that He who began a good work in me WILL complete it.

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (NIV)

Abbs*

Counseling workshop

I remember when Brent and I first started to go to counseling for some problems we had, I walked into the office thinking....when we get Brent fixed, we will be set. (I know ARROGANT, right? Don't Judge) It took a couple of sessions for me to see my crap, but when I did....WOW let's just say I was a little depressed and sad for the days following. Don't ask God to show you your heart unless you are ready, I felt so evil and realized I had so many problems, my heart can be so wicked without the presence of the Holy Spirit. I have learned to take every thought captive, no matter how small it seems and ask myself why I feel that way, and is it going to lead to a path of destruction or the ME God created me to be? Paul tells us to do that in 1 Corinthians 10:5, and I think it works great in EVERYTHING from Gossip to Lust.
We have been meeting with this couple weekly since August and as of January we meet with 4 couples weekly to share life together and our struggles. It has been the best thing for us...a lifeline, if you will:)

They have helped me to see so much of myself, and how my reactions can make or break a situation. I have learned to Love, encourage, and respect even when I don't feel like it. I have applied so much of this information into motherhood, and I try so hard to make sure my boys know that their emotions and feelings are valid no matter how silly they sound to me.

We have the opportunity this week to go to a couple's intensive...we are heading out Thursday night to head up to a camp where we will spend the weekend with about 5 couples I have never met, sharing ourselves, and encouraging one another....I am excited about meeting couples who want to be honest and transparent with themselves, but I ABSOLUTELY hate spontaneous things, not knowing what to expect....I'm picturing relay races, and stupid "get to know you" games, WEIRD!? I know I'm twisted in the head...I know it will probably be awesome, and Brent and I will come back closer than we are now, but DANG...I wish I knew these people already! Living life outside my comfort zone is the best thing for me, but I have to fight the urge to dig my heels and and go kicking and screaming...LOL I know I'm silly!

anywho, at least the sack races might be fun, or the sword drills...JK
Well I've rambled enough...
by the way Gage had his first peep...STICKY fingers!

From Drop Box

Enjoy your weekend
Abbs*

The Prodigal

Our Church is in the middle of a Grace series. We started it Easter Sunday titled, "God's not mad at you"...I'm on staff at our Church (Creative Arts Director) and we have been planning the details for weeks now! The main focus on Sunday was the story of the Prodigal. I LOVE that story, and every time I hear it I forget how beautiful it is.
What a way for God to express how much He desires us, than to show the UNCONDITIONAL love a Father has for a son.
Luke 15:11-32, If you have never read it, I encourage you to go read it NOW...

One thing that I have always read to quickly was the part in the story where the reconciliation takes place. In Verse 20, "But when he was still a long way off, the father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him".
The Father had compassion for the son even though he practically spat in his face...
I have the problem of thinking that I'm really loving because I didn't hold a grudge or have no problem forgiving someone, but If I were to see them in public it would be a "wait and see how they react first" situation...that is not what Jesus taught at all.

The son could have been coming back to ask for more money, or even to kill his father...but it didn't matter the Father's love was constant. God's love is CONSTANT....no matter what you do or don't do he Loves you passionately. More passionately than you have ever felt, heard, or read about...His love will take your breath away. We think that if we do things good God is happy with us, and if we do something bad God is mad at us....His love covers a multitude of sin and he spread them as far as the east is to the west. The Bible says He remembers them no more.
WOW, How incredible is He? Don't get in the performance rut of judging yourself by what you do or don't do on your checklist...just seek Him with all your heart and there you will find Him. I love knowing that his blessings are constantly being poured out on me, and knowing that He is always in control.
If you need to hear a message that is soothing to the soul, check it out by going here.

now..a few Easter pics

we are missing mom, dad, Jackson, and Gage....Do you love the way I threw my kids off on my younger brother and his wife? They look good with kids don't they? I think it's time you two!! My older Brother and his wife are the ones with Precious sweet Harper Kate (If you don't know her story, PLEASE go here.)

From Drop Box

Gage can have some stare downs..If he is not in the mood to smile, he WILL not.

From Drop Box

I'm blessed to be surrounded with 4 good-looking guys!

From Easter Pics

From Easter Pics

From Easter Pics

and for those of you who do not know what slack lines are (I didn't know until my cousin started hooking them between two trees...

From Drop Box

And that was our day on Sunday....Mom, dad, and Jackson- you should've got there quicker for the photos...REDO!

Have a great Tuesday!

*Abbs*

On a Serious Note...

Let me talk about something that is on the rise in our generation and the ones to come and is tearing marriages apart.....
Pornography.
It is prevalent among the church and I think too many times men (women do it too) tell their wives that it is a struggle (the ones that actually DO tell their wives)
but that it is NORMAL, It doesn't have to be!
Ask them how they would feel if it were you doing the lusting on the computer, would they take the cop out that it is normal??

Ladies THAT should make your angry, if it doesn't then YOU are letting your husband DEVALUE you!
I get angry just thinking about you not letting it upset you!
It IS adultery, and it is a defiling of the marriage bed.

Matthew 5:28- But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

You CANNOT have true intimacy without putting this kind of sexual sin to death, (trying to keep it under control by yourself, does not count)

Hebrew 13:4-Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

I personally think that is is sick how many men will tell their wives that it is normal among men and that you (women) don't understand that because you were wired different...
Let me tell you we were BOTH wired for sex, Men DO NOT need it.
Where is that in the bible??? You won't find it....so quit buying into it!
If your read any of Song Of Solomon, you can quickly understand that they were BOTH desiring it.

The more men spread that sex is their need, like food, they WILL take it as their right....and If you don't give them their "Need/right" they WILL go elsewhere for it (porn, masturbation, and then possibly to another woman.)
The more that women are told that they aren't wired for it, the more they won't care for it.

Truth is that at one point in time this was not a struggle with all men, but over time men tell each other that and guess what...BAM it is a struggle. With their own mouths they are giving themselves an excuse to defile what should be holy and pure.

Ladies, DO NOT just assume that your husband is above this. Be honest and ask him, or watch for the signs.

Signs can be, but not limited to:
late night on computer after you go to bed
getting angry when you tell them no (regarding sex)
and the biggest!
the history being deleted from your computer regularly...


You can get help for this, your marriage can be saved. Don't settle when your husband says, "I'm trying to quit", or "All my guy friends struggle with it, it's completely normal".....That is exactly what the father of lies wants you to believe.
Get help!
You can get a program on your computer called Covenant Eyes, that will send a daily report to someone of the sights being visited
DO NOT ask to have these sent to you....that is WAY to much emotional stress that a wife does not need, It is not your Job to police them.
Let Godly guys that choose to walk recovery together keep him accountable for these things.

If you need to talk to someone you can learn more by going to the Route1520 website located under me favorites.
PLEASE don't hesitate, your feelings are valid and you are a precious Jewel to God and deserve to be treated like that.
If you are dealing with your husband going outside the relationship to another woman, check out Lyryn's story
This is a marriage that is seeking help for their problems.
If you need to talk to her I'm sure she would listen and offer advice and encouragement.

P.S. Do NOT shame your husband though! it will make him run faster to his addiction....after all shame drives addiction.

Seek help, especially if you have children....They desperately need an example of what God intended the marriage bed to be like.....PURE.
They need you model what it means to keep yourself pure.

If this is left unaddressed it could possible lead to actual sex with another woman...because this like any other drug will numb you and you WILL need more and more just like any other addict.
Any addict will tell you they have control of it, until they try to stop.

I am here if you need someone to talk to...


I hope that you will get help if it is needed, put it to DEATH, because It IS death to a marriage.

(If you want to talk personally, feel free to email me at alpardue@liberty.edu)

Love you all,
Abbs

Finding yourself in the Gospel

I recently stumbled across this blog, and couldn't help but absorb these little truths he has come across...

"Jesus plus nothing equals everything–the gospel– is daily becoming for me more than a theological passion, more than a cognitive reality. It’s becoming my functional lifeline! And it’s this rediscovery of the gospel’s power that is enabling me to see that,

Because Jesus was strong for me, I am free to be weak;

Because Jesus won for me, I am free to lose;

Because Jesus was Someone, I am free to be no one;

Because Jesus was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary;

Because Jesus succeeded for me, I am free to fail."


Don't we try so hard in our life to matter? we want people to want a relationship with us. This to me was so freeing to know that I am simply FREE to just LOVE.
I watched this video by Pink. I have always really liked her, I think it comes from the obvious conclusion that she really doesn't care what anybody thinks about her.
This video caught my attention because it captures how blinded we are to the mold that we are placed under to be perfect, and have the right hair, clothes, or even ideas. My heart goes out to the girl in the video because more times than I want to think I can relate with her. I was that girl, that felt on the outside hoping someone would notice me. I grew up feeling like girls hated me and guys saw me as only a sister. Now walking recovery beside my husband I see that I just needed to find the beauty inside me that God called me to. I get excited at the end of this video when she decides she isn't playing the game anymore.
(Disclaimer: sorry for the F word, I couldn't get it to not show up on the screen, It's not in the song though:)

The ME I want to be

I have never in my life been so aware of God's Goodness, as I am right now.
He has taken my life in so many different directions (many of which I didn't like) and given me peace to be calm in the midst of some storms. I'm so in Love with him right now that at any moment the spirit just brings me to complete tears. Seriously I was driving the other day and I was so overwhelmed by His love that I was couldn't stop the tears.
This is a book I'm currently reading, by John Ortberg.

This has been good for me and I'm not even halfway through with it.

My whole life I have been pretty introverted, so much that people sometimes believe I don't have much of an opinion and that I can be walked on however you please. One thing that is huge among Codependents is that I always hated conflict and would go to great lengths to keep the peace at all costs. I am learning in my recovery that my feelings, thoughts and opinions are valid. There is a way to express them in a loving but firm way. I am also realizing that it is okay to have a difference in opinions with someone and still Love them deeply. I am gaining a voice in ME. It is easy to tell your self that keeping the peace is the nice way, Jesus was Nice......Jesus was NOT nice, he was lovingly bold, and he stood for his beliefs.
I'm hoping that God will really work in me this year in becoming a very peaceful, controlled, bold(only in Him) ME.....
There is freedom in deciding that you don't want to be anything but YOU.
God is taking my family and I through some tough times that I really don't like, but I am trying so hard to hold onto Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Love you guys!

Self Recovery

Since sometime around august I would say I've been in recovery for codependency. Brent and I have been seeing a couple weekly to help us learn more about ourselves.
Most people would say they aren't codependent, but I think we suppress our true feelings so often that we don't even realize how unhappy we are and how freeing it can be to be able to take control of your feelings and learn to say NO.
Codependency is the need to help someone, basically your addicted to feeling needed.
Some people tend to think this is an excuse to be selfish.....but it's not. Co dependence is a disease of reversed focus-it is about focusing outside of ourselves for self-definition and self-worth. We should be focused on God for our self worth, not people. I'm learning to set boundaries in my life.

This is a great book to learn what Codependency is:

and this book is great for understanding how to break free from it.

About the book:
Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: Can I set limits and still be a loving person? What are legitimate boundaries? What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy or money? Aren't boundaries selfish? Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

I have become so sick of the hearing the term codependent, but that doesn't change the fact that the problem is real and rampant among relationships and marriages.
It's more about learning to undersrtand Gods best for you as a person.

One of the blogs I follow (here) is great for this recovery, check it out if you think you might struggle with this.

Abby

Taking a moment to breathe

Having 3 boys all under the age of 4 leaves me feeling at the end of the day like I have just herded cattle all day long. Some days like today, I feel like all I have done from the time they woke up to the time their little eyes shut that all I have done was discipline them. I believe my fear of them not knowing what it means to love others more than yourself is greater than my fear of them growing up.
While I know it is important to teach them those things, I do not want to have the regrets when they are gone of not playing with them enough. Sad...I know. But I feel like if I reflect on their cute little faces and the fact that they won't ever be this age again I will learn to spend some time just enjoying these fantastic creatures God has assigned to me. Cole, my 4 yr old, has started to become aware of his surrounding and how he fits into it all. He wants to talk discuss topics like lying, stealing, and his feelings in situation where he feels lonely, sad, or angry.
I can reason with him, and it is such a fun age to teach things and watch him get it.
Eli is at such a hard stage, I'm not sure if the twos or threes is harder. He has such a tender heart that he will do most anything for you, but the minute he senses that you are telling him to do something it is OVER! He will throw himself in the floor and ask for the opposite of what he wants and when you give it to him he suddenly wants the other (my conclusion of this behavior, after much observation, is that he wants to control the situation and me). Gage, my butterball, whose cheeks are edible and smile is contagious. I'm constantly kissing his face and enjoying all the time I can soak of before he wants to be independent from me like his brothers.

I could not imagine my life without my boys...funny I always wanted a girl, but I am finally at a stage of maturity in my life where I can say I want one more kid to complete my dream of 4 kids, but I would be just as happy with another boy. (not to say I won't become a total hypocrite with my next pregnancy rooting for a pink one, but deep down I would be grateful to escape the drama that follows one).

I'm going to be an Aunt for the first time in about 3 weeks to my niece and I can't wait to SPOIL her! I want to give her the world already and I haven't even met her, I think a lot of those feelings go back to her story (not enough time now to tell) but WOW what a miracle she is! She and God have proved the medical world wrong, don't you just love when God shows up?! I am always reminded of in the Bible on a few different occasions where it says, "Perhaps, God will...." I feel like that is a little piece of sarcasm in the Bible....like Perhaps?? you doubted? did you not know that HE hold the world in His hands.

wow is it late, I'm chipping into really good sleep time now!
those little monkeys will be up in less than 7 hours...

gnight*

hope to hold on to...

I'm really hoping this writing will help me. I have always had a love for reading, and have a knack for speed reading. When I was younger I use to go to the bookstore with my dad and instead of pay the price for a book I would just sit down in the store and read it right there, while on car rides as a kid I use to use the car behind's headlights to light the pages when it got dark, but when I sit down like this to write my fingers want to type so fast to get out everything in my mind....and that is when I misspell things, or I totally leave words off. So with all that said, PLEASE forgive me if I don't make sense at first:).

Brent and my recovery took a turn the other night, and we are struggling to hold our head above the water. As i sat in church this morning I thought about how we as humans LOVE to normalize (bring your struggle/sin down to a level, where you can classify it as normal) our marriage issues....It's so easy to want to run from where Brent and I are heading and say right now it would be easier to just stick my head in the sand and say we are like every other marriage out there, so why achieve better? I know God has so much for Brent and I, and I want NOTHING less! I won't let myself settle, Brent and I have reached a place where we do not have one secret from each other (past or present)....and I LOVE IT! I love using what I have learned about him to understand his feelings whether they are of pain, guilt, shame, and joy.
I'm not going to lie, This is tough, where we are at right now is painful. Just when I began to think it can't hurt more....It does. All I can do is cling to the most gracious God and ask myself if I really believe He is sovereign....because if He is, then the battle has already been won, and I can truly have the peace that passes all understand that is described in Philippians.
I hope this blog helps some of you who are going through different types of trials and heartache know that you are not alone. I have been encouraged by so many Godly women, and I really hope I can pass that on to someone.

gnight!

counseling

Brent and I have been doing couple's counseling since around August. I think a lot of people avoid it because they think it says "Major Problems" to others.....I really think it just says "we don't want normal". the couple we walk with are Amazing! you can check out their website here
they have so much knowledge on marriage going through all kinds of issues.
Counseling is so freeing though, I have learned so much about myself and why I do the crazy things I do. Brent and I have had to dig deeper into some mess to start coming out on the other side. I wouldn't trade those times, because at the end of the day I want to know his heart. I want to know what makes him who he is.