hope to hold on to...

I'm really hoping this writing will help me. I have always had a love for reading, and have a knack for speed reading. When I was younger I use to go to the bookstore with my dad and instead of pay the price for a book I would just sit down in the store and read it right there, while on car rides as a kid I use to use the car behind's headlights to light the pages when it got dark, but when I sit down like this to write my fingers want to type so fast to get out everything in my mind....and that is when I misspell things, or I totally leave words off. So with all that said, PLEASE forgive me if I don't make sense at first:).

Brent and my recovery took a turn the other night, and we are struggling to hold our head above the water. As i sat in church this morning I thought about how we as humans LOVE to normalize (bring your struggle/sin down to a level, where you can classify it as normal) our marriage issues....It's so easy to want to run from where Brent and I are heading and say right now it would be easier to just stick my head in the sand and say we are like every other marriage out there, so why achieve better? I know God has so much for Brent and I, and I want NOTHING less! I won't let myself settle, Brent and I have reached a place where we do not have one secret from each other (past or present)....and I LOVE IT! I love using what I have learned about him to understand his feelings whether they are of pain, guilt, shame, and joy.
I'm not going to lie, This is tough, where we are at right now is painful. Just when I began to think it can't hurt more....It does. All I can do is cling to the most gracious God and ask myself if I really believe He is sovereign....because if He is, then the battle has already been won, and I can truly have the peace that passes all understand that is described in Philippians.
I hope this blog helps some of you who are going through different types of trials and heartache know that you are not alone. I have been encouraged by so many Godly women, and I really hope I can pass that on to someone.

gnight!