Well here we are the week of a HUGE decision....up until this moment right now I just assumed it was something we needed to do, something we needed to decide so that we wouldn't have any more kids. Brent and I from the beginning talked about our dreams of having 4 kids and I always wanted 1 girl.....Our family feels complete. Why then am i sad? I mean we are going to be REAL responsible adults and move past the baby stage and on to other things. After this Friday having another baby will be nearly impossible, why do I hate final decisions so much?? I haven't even prayed about it, I think I'm doing it to make those around me happy to show them that we can be responsible....but the truth is it is mine and Brent's decision. I'm not really sure money is the reason to not have a child, we cant even afford the 4 we have....these are all the questions that are flooding my mind right now. At this point our kids are going to have to work their way through college anyway. I don't think I want one more, but I am getting nervous that I can't come back later when my last is turning 3 and I'm turning 30 that I can't go there and say do I want another one? The doctor even seemed shocked that we would make this decision at 27 and 30...I LOVE the baby stage, I love my children. Society says that 2 children is enough, even that one of each is perfect.....why should I let that influence such a big decision?
I'm laughing that I'm even thinking of 5 kids.....I don't want 5 and am not sure there I ever do want 5, just not sure I like knowing we can't change our minds later.
Brent works very hard to provide for our family, and I also have a college degree and could go to work if I needed to when the kids are a little bit older....We aren't on welfare, we are homeowners and have 2 cars and no car payments. If people aren't helping take care of our kids then it should just be what Brent and I want.
anyway Brent is going through with this on Friday
Is it time to move out of the diaper phase and into the school phase?
I really feel like I should have prayed about this, I know I should have.
these are just my thoughts, carry on...haha
Abby, I want to start out by saying you are a reamarkable woman!! You have a heart of Gold and enough love in your tiny body for the entire world!! I dont think you should be so hard on yourself, you are a great mother to the 4 babies you have and being able to devote your time to each one of them is important. One thing you need to keep in mind is, that although you focus your time and energy on those precious children, you also need to have the time to give to your self. In Matthew 14:23 Jesus shows us how to rest. Jesus teaches that we can rest and not feel guilty.
ReplyDeleteJesus demonstrates that we worship God just as much when we rest as when we work. Our times of Sabbath rest, silence, and solitude demonstrate our trust in God, our dependence upon God, our realization that we are not indispensable.
I think if you take the time to rest and enjoy the blessings you have now, you will begin to see that you have made the right decision. Because really and truly God gives us the intellect to make good decisions for ourselves and our families.
I hope this makes sense!! I love you girl and I am only ONE SNICKERS bar away!!!